Natasja Beumer: a new beginning – pilgrim’s report (1)

Natasja Beumer is a walking coach and walked the Walk of Wisdom last winter. Her walking practice is called Kintsugi, which means “to heal shards”. This time she wanted to set off with her own shards. Below is her story, part 1.

Contemporary pilgrimage

Sometimes walking is the only way to escape the labyrinth of your thoughts and the best way to make the way in. In the calm before the storm, my head bursts. Because of the migraines, I can no longer tolerate sound, no screen and no light. I can’t think straight, I can’t write or I can’t read anymore and all I know is that when this is over and the storm has subsided, I have to go for a walk. Not walking like I’ve been doing for the past two years, with friends. But walking in silence, for myself and with myself.

Running to forget the loneliness and boredom of the past corona period. Running to finally leave my temporary job, which has completely dulled me, behind me. Running to give the last bit of sadness a place and above all running to regain my self-confidence and zest for life now that the world is open again. Every step I take, every kilometre, brings me closer to who I am and what I need now. Will I finally be able to reap the benefits of the lessons I’ve learned over the past few months?

New moon

The day before departure is all about the new moon and although I have slept badly, it is a good omen because it symbolizes a new beginning and its strength will continue to accompany me on my path in the coming days. After the pilgrims’ lauds in the Stevens Church, the light falls through the windows like a warm blanket. Sunlight illuminates my path, and melts the last remnant of snow from the past few days. A bit awkwardly I start the first kilometers. The backpack on my back weighs only 7 kilograms including water, but my back is not used to this anymore and today I have a stage of almost 40 kilometers, a distance I haven’t walked for a while.

When I have left behind most of the pilgrims who started with me, I finally come to rest. The waves on the Waal beaches set the rhythm and then my legs go by themselves. A piece of new wilderness that makes me happy. I find a feather in my path and smile, look at the storks that have built a nest. A little later I find a bison, around which I walk a bit uncomfortably, when at the same time I am startled by a wild stallion that crosses my path. He is restless and when I see him a little later with the rest of the herd, I notice that he is still restless and bothers the other horses with his behavior. The mares don’t blink or blush, ignore him and that seems to work. You can only fight unrest with rest. Walking calms you down, no matter what. I exhale and walk on, through the gate.

Heart and soul

Small snowflakes fall like stars for a moment, but they don’t stay put. There is a lot of storm damage to the trees and it is mainly old and thick trees that have not survived. The younger trees are more pliable and probably healthier. More resilient. “You’re as bouncy as your curls,” my dearest friend said to me the other day. And she’s right. Although I glued my heart with gold glue months ago, I notice that there is still a lot of sadness. Through a simple song, which has been playing in the background in my head for days, I suddenly know why. My heart has a hole and it’s leaking my very soul… My soul is deeply hurt, but now I have to move on, it’s a past station. I can only heal my soul with self-love and compassion. I can only fill the gap myself, no one else can do that for me.

Via the Filosofendal I arrive at the Duivelsberg, an area that I know well from the N70 and the Pieterpad. The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t know anything, according to Socrates. I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t want to guess, I don’t want to make stories that aren’t based on truths and fantasies. Asking why doesn’t yield anything, it just keeps you stuck in the past that can’t be changed. Man is an expert about himself and reveals what he wants to show and answers the questions he wants to answer. A reason doesn’t always solve something and then you end up with: it is what it is. I just need to pamper my soul.

Stagnant water, running water

After Kranenburg, where I hang my second bird ring on my shoelace, I enter the Reichswald and here I follow the familiar Way of St. James markings, a nod to Santiago, up to Freudenberg. Forest bathing across the border in Germany. There is still a thin layer of snow and I take a deep breath, sniff the scents of the forest. Enjoy the view of the Mookerheide and feel the protection of the trees. Just before Milsbeek I arrive at the Koningsven – De Diepen, a high moor area where peat used to be mined. Nowadays, work is being done on the restoration of this 200-hectare swamp and there is a nature development project. Stagnant water is nutrient-rich and attracts waterfowl. Unique plant species will also be given a place again and the Netherlands will become a little more beautiful thanks to Natuurmonumenten.

After a recuperative night in a hiker’s cabin, I walk towards Malden the next day and climb the Sint Jansberg after a few flat kilometers. Stately trees and clear spring streams make this place a bit magical. The crystal clear, fresh water flows partly along the path and reminds me of the old irrigation canals, the so-called levadas on Madeira. The sound of rippling water and the smell of pine needles has a calming effect. The birds sing their highest song of spring. To lift the stagnant thoughts and let the energy in me flow again like the water, I have to do what I love to do most and what makes me happy, but also forgive. In the first place, myself, and in the second place, him. I’m going to guide trips again, but less far, less often and for less time because a nice relationship is still at the top of my wish list and I also get very happy from giving walking coaching sessions and can help people.

Robin

For the second time I see a robin, this time right next to the railway at the Heumense Schans. It stays quiet when I stay less than a meter away from him. A robin is associated with storms but also with hope, spring and rebirth. It is also a symbol of relationships and in particular the relationship with yourself. It shows me that I am going through a process of healing, balance and healing and that’s exactly how this walk feels. It teaches me that I am on the right track and that I need to keep working on the relationship with myself. The way inside is to connect with what I feel again and again. Everything I look for and need is already there. I just have to trust that it will be okay and keep my heart open. A little further on, my eye falls on a poem that hangs in someone’s windows;

I make myself visible

For being human

Before the connection

For the recognition

Before ratification

For awareness

For a change

A little later I ring the doorbell at the house in Malden, where I will sleep that night and dream of a new beginning…

To be continued.

Natasja Beumer

More about Natasja Beumer

Check out the website of Natasja Beumer and her walking coaching.

Or read reports from other pilgrims.