Hilde van Engelen takes you on a pilgrimage route: step by step, by step … (step 1)


I’ll take you through the stories of everyday life, Hilde writes. There are so many events that want to be told. Miracles on earth. Below is her story in which she takes us on a pilgrimage route.Enjoii… Kind regards, Hilde”.

It’s the beginning of February when he sits at our kitchen table. The plan is to walk to Santiago de Compostela. But Covid-19 restrictions have been blocking his way for more than a year. When he tells me that, she immediately pops up in my head: Dineke. I feel an enthusiasm rising in me and can’t resist sharing it with him. I’m talking from one thing to the next and just barely stumble over my own words:

Dineke, a friend of mine, walked part of that path. And my uncle has been on the road from home for months. I admire it. I don’t think I ever can. And yet somewhere in me there is a desire to go out. There has been a bib number waiting for me for years from the Walk of Wisdom. Let’s think,… I was 45,…. bought it in 2017. That friend was so excited about it. She told me to come and sleep with her and then she would sing me out when I left. I never went.”

And then I stop talking and withdraw myself from the company. There’s a lot going on in my head. Thoughts tumble over each other. I try to follow them. Never went. All kinds of things came up. Busy with the roles I play, handfuls of excuses, people who got sick and died. Dineke who is no longer there, but feels closer than ever before. Fear because of my physical condition. No energy, unpredictable pain, fatigue. Fibromyalgia that I want to control my life but that I refuse to allow. I’m adapting. I’m laving. I can’t do anything else. I listen to my body. My womanhood has been on the decline in recent years. Even more unpredictability is a challenge that I am slowly turning away from on my hand. But what would that be like when I’m on the road?

Is this the moment I’m going to walk the Walk of Wisdom ? Before I realize that I am asking myself that question, I feel a jubilation in my belly and a deep yes in my heart. It’s time for me to celebrate my body. Step by step,… for step,… for step,… for step.

Nature will carry me.

Read Part Two